Travel Tips

“Kenny, nobody knows what the fuck they are doing.” - Friend of friend giving advice on parenting.

As that friend of a friend stated, “nobody knows what the fuck they are doing.” Nothing could be truer when it comes to parenting - or traveling with kids. You may love itineraries. You may have well thought out travel plans. But this thing called life? Life loves chaos. If you are looking for rigid travel rules, this probably isn’t the place for you. If you are looking for harsh truths, honest advice, and suggestions that will sometimes be wrong, then you’re in the right place.

Traveling and mistakes go together like Banh Mi and Ca phe sua da. Or for the non-Vietnamese amongst us, spaghetti and meatballs. In other words, mistakes are part of the journey. Travel isn’t meant to be without hiccups. Neither is life. You don’t have to embrace the inevitable bad, but accept that it’s coming and learn from it. Enjoy every aspect of the journey.

Traveling with Children -
The honest Truth

The Elephant In The Room:

Toddler calmly sitting on an airplane, unbothered - because we paid for this seat and judgment can kindly fuck off

Let’s address the elephant in the room off the bat. Your kid will cry. Someone will judge you. That person can kindly fuck off.

Look, there is airport etiquette, and respect goes a long way. You can’t for instance let your child use the chair in front of them as kickboxing practice. You can’t allow your child to run up and down the aisle, and you have to shush your own child. Planes aren’t playgrounds, your child will follow your lead.

However, it’s very possible, almost a certainty, that your child will cry. Your child will be tired and have a tantrum. Your child will want to poop as soon as you sit down, and especially right before you are about to board. Life happens.

Normal people will understand - even want to help you. A very small minority of miserable people will try and judge you. Who cares? We can’t please everyone, you aren’t their therapist. Let them pay a therapist to resolve their own problems.

Till Delta Do Us Part

We’ve never had any issues where airlines switched our seats. We always pay extra money to sit together. This is one that I’ve seen as a hot button issue on social media.

If it did happen, I’m sure we would ask if they could seat us together again. If they couldn’t, we aren’t going to the afterlife - hopefully not yet anyhow. My wife would probably be thrilled to be separated from me for a few hours. Kidding, my wife actually loves me. But some people may want a brief break.

Planes aren’t that big, it’s not like you are in different cities. Deborah and Brendan are three rows back in 27 G and F, pretending not to see us struggling with a diaper blowout while they watch Toy Story over some ginger-ale and biscoffs. It wouldn't be the end of the world for us. But that’s us. For others, being separated for the duration of your flight may feel like the world is ending. I get it. You need to work together as a team to make it through these flights.

Hopefully someone else will understand that and want to switch seats, but I wouldn’t expect someone to. Remember, they paid for their seat too. Maybe they love the middle seat.

How do you feel about feet?

Lap babies and free seats are great, not having a stranger next to you is greater. We traveled to Vietnam twice with our daughter as a lap baby. We had an all-star cast of travelers sitting next to us on all flights, so no complaints. It helps that my daughter is the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen.

But, she can be feisty. My testicles have taken their fair share of kicks in four short years. Those kicks don’t stop just because a stranger is sitting next to you. Toddler legs don’t know what a stranger is, don’t be silly.

We tried our best, we moved her body, put up pillow barriers. It’s difficult to control a toddler on a long-haul flight. Buy the extra seat if you can afford it, you’ll be happier.

Changing a baby in an airplane bathroom - Mile High Mayhem:

Are you religious? Is anyone you know religious? Pray. Pray that your baby’s butt is not ready for an exorcist-like moment while you are on a fifteen hour flight to South Korea. We aren’t particularly religious and it never happened to us. But I’ve heard stories. Terrible stories that haunt my dreams.

You can prepare for the worst. That’s the truth about travel. Aside from the plane going down, there really isn’t a worse case scenario that can’t be resolved.

Let’s say your baby has explosive diarrhea on an airplane. What’s the worst that happens?

You brought enough wipes for this moment. You packed three extra pairs of clothes in your carry on moment. You’ve prepared for this moment. You were born for this. Okay, maybe not. But you are ready. Don’t let a little poop incident ruin your vacation.

Sleep - Just not through a layover:

When my daughter was born, I got some really good and bad advice. Some of the best advice I ever received?

Sleep when your baby sleeps. Twenty minute nap? Sleep. Three hours in the middle of the night? Sleep.

The same is true for travel.

Don’t focus on timezones. Your body will tell you when you are hungry, when you are tired, when you need to sleep.

Too many people try to time it. “If I stay up for another six hours, I’ll be on my normal schedule.”

That’s the worst thing you can do. Just let your body tell you what time it is. That’s true at 34,000 feet. That’s true when you get to your final destination, that’s true when you come home.

We’re lucky - with our first one at least. Our daughter can sleep through anything, almost anywhere.

Part of that is due to advice from my sister. If you tiptope and shhhh your way through an infant's life, any small noise will disturb them.

When my daughter slept, we spoke in normal tones. We watched - correction, I watched football. I yelled for my team. I got yelled at by my wife for yelling. But it worked, my daughter can sleep through the noise.

Sleeping on a plane isn’t a problem for my daughter. I shit you not, my daughter once slept for ten hours of a fourteen hour flight to Japan.

Not taking my own advice, I slept for maybe two. The six hour layover was great for my wife and daughter. Chipper and cheery as can be. I on the other hand looked like I got into the drug scene, nodding off standing up at the urinal.

Sleep when you can. You won’t miss anything on a plane other than the ending of Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift. You will be a lot if you sleep through the actual city of Tokyo.

Bring your family, not your house:

Let’s start with what you MUST bring. Baby wipes. If being a good parent was based upon bringing wipes, we would be judged harshly. We forget them all the time.

But bringing wipes can save you and potentially others from some messy situations. Bring more than you think you’ll need, you’ll probably use them.

The other thing is, airports are dirty. I once sort of bragged about not being an overly stressed out parent when my daughter ate something off the floor of the Detroit Metro Airport. “Oh yeah, look at me - no longer sweating the small stuff.”

Two days later my daughter had the most gnarly stomach bug you could ever imagine. She passed this gift first onto my wife, then onto me. I have nobody to blame but myself. And maybe whoever left that temping crumb on the airport floor.

Change of clothes we touched on briefly in the butthole apocalypse. I always make sure I have what I’m wearing, plus two changes of clothes. It’s not so much that I’m worried about getting spit up on or baby poop on my clothes. I’m the Gaylord Fauker of flying. I’ve been delayed more times than I care to remember. You just never know when you are spending the night in an airport, and you should really have that mindset when it comes to travel. It is going to happen to you if you travel enough, the sooner you accept your fate the better.

Strollers are more than baby carrying devices. Think about all the things you can put in a stroller. Waters, food, that “I love San Diego” airport hoodie that you just couldn’t resist. Maybe a couple of cans of Tiger beers - and yes you can carry around unopened cans of beer in Vietnam. Oh and your child. Yes, who could forget your child. Please don’t forget your child.

I will link two different strollers. One is more of an infant/car-seat combo that we used. The other is this lightweight, yet durable tank of a stroller. This thing is worth it just on how lightweight and foldable it is. It’s a travel stroller dream.

You need a baby carrier. You really don’t want to be standing around holding a baby for hours. The carriers that attach to your body and give your back some much needed relief is a must.

They sell so many variations of baby beds, baby swings, baby pillows. My wife bought one that wasn’t FAA compliant. Just bring an adult sized pillow. Not a huge fluffy one, one that you can put on your lap and also under your seat.

We used it as a bed on multiple long haul flights, works like nothing I've ever seen. That’s what my daughter used the time she slept for ten hours. Trust me, it works. Now you do want to check airline policies, but if you tell them it’s for the baby they won’t give you a hard time.

Diaper bag with other essentials. “Essentials" is a very loose term because anything that is in your diaper bag can be replaced anywhere in the world. I know because we left our diaper bag in a Grab in a beach town in Vietnam.

You may think that the baby sunscreen you bought has some magical ingredients meant only for babies. Our pediatrician said that’s bullshit. I had this fear that my daughter’s skin would break out because I used adult SPF 50 on her. Nothing happened. Well, expect preventing a sunburn, which is the whole point.

We keep medicines in our medicine bag in our carry-on. I do think it’s wise to be prepared. But don't forget, they have these things called cửa hàng - stores - in every section of the globe. You’ll survive. Unless of course you mispronounce it and end up at a brothel instead.

Life lessons big and small:

This is the most important section. The memories that you build while traveling with your children will never be taken away. It will stay with them forever. You may not know it, but you are helping them grow to be a better person. You are cultivating their understanding of other people, other foods, other cultures.

Every Time they try a mystery bowl of soup, a new flavor. Every new sunset, every dip in the ocean, and every person they encounter, you are giving them a gift, and they are giving you one in return.

Yes, and every bad experience. Every flight delayed, every spring through the airport, every way you talk to someone. You lead by example of how to conduct yourself in those situations.

Bad things will happen in travel, that’s part of the journey, and quite frankly often the best story. They will follow your lead. If you are sighing and cursing going through security, they will take it as a bad experience. If you are treating others disrespectfully, they see that.

Understand that travel isn’t what happens at your five star resort. It’s the drive to the airport, it’s packing luggage, it’s the grueling line through security. That’s all part of the journey. If you accept that and do it graciously, they will too.

Enjoy the chaos, it’s all part of the show.

Enjoy security lines like you enjoy conga lines

Oddly, this is the most difficult part for people traveling. Have fun.

The memories that you build while traveling with your child will never be taken away. It will stay with them forever. You may not know it, but you are helping them grow to be a better person. You are cultivating their understanding of other people, other foods, other cultures.